Divorced Parents & Planning Your Wedding

You’ve found the love of your life, you are ready to get married but, then you remember your parents can’t be in the same room and then reality sets in. The best thing to do is open and firm early on while planning. Tell them from the beginning this day is about the two of you and you will not tolerate anyone being anything but civil. If they are remarried make sure this includes any new spouses or significant others. You need to decide early on who you want to have input from. Talk to siblings, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Enlist their help in making sure everyone remains calm and civil on the wedding day.

Invite anyone you want to invite. It is ok to invite your Dad’s girlfriend if you want even though Mom isn’t happy about it. Chances are one or more of your parents pictured this as a family event, it’s ok to invite and welcome a new family member. This can be especially true if this person has become a large part of your life. Don’t let a parent’s jealousy or hard feelings keep you from inviting someone.

The procession and seating can be tricky. If either parent is in a new relationship you probably don’t want them to walk down the aisle. It is ok to have them to be seated already. Do you have a Stepdad you love just as if he were your Dad? Have both him and your real Dad walk you down the aisle. Really love your Stepmom? Then why not do two Mother-Son dances? The last thing you want to do is not include someone who has a significant role in your life and you love. If everyone gets along then seat them at the same table but, if not then separate tables are probably best. Tradition states Mom should sit on the front row and Dad on the second if divorced. If you want them both on the front row then maybe put siblings or grandparents between them.

Who is helping pay? Usually, the bride’s family pays but, that’s not necessarily true anymore. Talk to your parents separately about what they can or cannot pay for. One may make some not-so-nice comments about what the other is or isn’t going to pay for. Put a stop to it then. Let them know it will not be tolerated.

Traditionally the Father of the Bride gives a speech thanking everyone for coming and congratulating the new couple. Is this going to make your Mom mad, do you care if she doesn’t like it? You might need to let her say something as well or perhaps neither. Don’t let the other parent’s feelings stop you from you doing something you want or don’t want but, keep in mind your parents have dreamed of this day as well and their part in it.

Make sure the planner, photographer, and videographer are aware of your family dynamics beforehand and how it affects your wedding. Give a detailed list of photographers you want to the photographer if necessary.

Even though you may not have the ideal family situation, focus on the fact you are marrying the love of your life. Your wedding is a celebration of love and hopefully, your family can put aside their differences for the day and focus on your happiness.

Best Wishes,

Mary

HOW TO START PLANNING A WEDDING

So, you are engaged, now what? Chances are you have already given some thought to your big day but, how do you make it a reality?  Below are some great tips on getting started on your perfect “I DO.”

 First, take some time to enjoy being engaged.  Talk to your fiancé about their vision for the day.  Is there something, in particular, they always wanted for their wedding? You need to create a shared vision, something that reflects both your wants and desires.  Taking this time will help you create the vision and get your priorities in order and organized for the next steps, budget, venue, guest list, and date.

Decide on your overall style and vibe.  Do you have a place in mind already? Do you want an intimate affair or are you leaning toward a large guest count?  Think about weddings you have been to.  Are there things you thought, “I have to do this” or “What a waste of money?” Talk to your parents, especially if they are paying in any way.  They will most likely want to have a say in at least a few things. 

Discuss a budget upfront.  It’s easy for things to get out of control pretty quickly.  Are your parents paying for everything, are you paying part or are you paying all of it? This can really affect your decisions. The next most important thing is the guest count.  These two things will help you decide on a venue.  You can’t have 300 guests at a venue that holds 175.  Think about who you could not get married without. If your cousin you have not seen since you were two does not fall into that category, do not feel like you must invite them just because they are family.

Next, you must decide what is more important to you, a venue or a date.  If you are open to different dates or even days of the week then you have more flexibility with your venue and budget.  After all, weekdays are less expensive than Saturdays in the prime wedding season.  In your area are there months that are more desirable for weddings?  These months usually book far in advance, in some cases 1-2 years, and can cost more.  If a particular date is a must, then know depending on when it could cost more or be harder to find a venue with that date depending on how far out you are booking.  Choosing a particular date can limit the venues you can choose from.  Be sure to account for all of this when deciding on a budget and a date.

Focus on the details that are the most important to both of you like colors, food, flowers, etc.  Don’t worry about the little things yet.  You have plenty of time to decide what song you will dance your first dance to.  There are things you need to take care of first such as securing the venue.  The venue you choose will dictate a lot of your other choices.

Get a planner.  Best money you will spend.  Some venues even require it.  Two schools of thought on this.  Some say venue first then planner, others planner first then venue.  I personally think of the venue first.  Some venues provide or require certain planners.  If you feel you must have a planner’s insight then by all means go ahead and hire a planner first. 

Start your guest list.  Again, this could dictate your venue choice.  Realize at least 20% of the people you invite will not be able to attend.  Could be more if they are traveling from out of state or country.  Your guest choices can also provoke some hurt feelings from friends and family.  For instance, your Mom may want to invite her entire book club to attend but you’ve never met any of them.  Think about if you will let guests bring a date even if it’s someone you don’t know well or at all.  Are kids invited?  Again, this can affect your venue choice as some don’t allow kids. Some guests may not come if their kids can’t. 

Hope I’ve given you enough to think about to get you started planning your big day. 

Best Wishes,

Mary

PICKING THE PERFECT PLACE TO SAY “I DO”

Congratulations, YOU ARE ENGAGED!  You have decided on a budget and a guest count but, now where will you have your big day?  Where you choose to get married can dictate a lot of your other wedding day choices.  Planning a wedding can be stressful but, a great venue can help alleviate those fears.

Looking at and choosing a venue can take 2-3 months and can be overwhelming.  It’s hard to keep track of what each one offers, requires, and charges extra for or includes free of charge.  Enter an Excel spreadsheet.  This is the easiest way to keep up with all of it.  Take great notes while you are touring or even looking online at venues.  Get recommendations from friends.  Did your friend have a great experience with a venue?  Then take that into account.  It’s okay to get married at the same place a friend did.  After all, with your choice of style, it will be a totally different experience.  If you are wanting to get married on a Saturday in prime wedding season for your area you may need to book a year or more in advance. 

Start by googling venues in the area where you want to get married.  Booking a venue that is hours away from your home is not without its challenges but certainly can be done with the help of the venue and a great planner.  Go to some local wedding shows in your area.  The larger cities have them several times a year, especially during engagement season which is November – February.  Be on the lookout for open houses at venues.  Most venues not only are showcasing their venue but, some great vendors from the area and usually vendors who are familiar with that venue. 

What is your perfect venue?  Have you always dreamed of getting married in a big barn or that swanky downtown hotel?  Keep your dream location in mind while looking but, be open to others you might just fall in love with.  Sometimes it is easy to get an idea in your mind that you just have to have but, when you open yourself up to other ideas there are some great venues to choose from you might not have thought about.

What date and what time of year are you wanting?  In some states, venues aren’t open year-round due to weather but in other states, every month is great for a wedding.  If you must have a specific date start by contacting venues and checking on their availability.  Some venues even list this on their website.  Just keep in mind that availability changes quickly especially if it’s engagement season or there are few venues where you are looking.

Think about your budget.  If you are on a smaller budget then a venue that requires a certain caterer or you must buy the alcohol from them can put a big ding in your budget.  Researchers say about 20-25% of your budget is just for the venue.  There can be a lot of hidden costs at some venues.  Here is a list of items to check for that can really impact your budget.

• Can you bring in your own caterer and other vendors or must you use theirs? 

• Must you purchase a bar package from them?  What about the cost for nondrinkers and does that include bartenders, ice, cups, etc?

• Does it come with tables and chairs?

• Who does the setup and cleanup?  Some venues require the caterer to do this.  This can add thousands to your catering bill. Some venues even require the caterer to hide this cost in their invoicing.

• Do they have any décor you can use or do you have to purchase or rent everything you might need such as votives or reserved signs?

• What happens with the trash?  Do they have a dumpster that you can use? If not, the caterer has to haul it off and you pay them for it

• Do you need linens for the tables?  Most venues have round plastic tables that require linens.  Depending on your guest count and the tables needed this can add significant costs to your budget

• Is there a food or drink minimum

Read the reviews if you are looking at a particular venue.  Read all the reviews, even the not-so-good ones.  Not everyone is easy to please so don’t give too much credit to 1 or 2 bad reviews when the others are all positive.  Ask friends for referrals.  Maybe you just had a friend who went to a wedding and was bragging about the venue.  Find out what it was they liked so much and why.

Question everything.  I once had a cousin who picked a venue for her daughter.  They loved it.  It was all set up when they toured with tables, chairs, and linens.  After they signed and paid the owner asked how many tables and chairs and linens they wanted to rent.  My cousin never asked what was included and the owner didn’t offer any particular details.  Before it was over, she paid twice what she expected to pay when she booked.  The venue should be giving you this information when you are touring but if not, ASK!  Have a list of questions ready to ask each venue.  You can tell a lot about a venue by its transparency and willingness to answer questions while touring.  If you email after the tour or before the tour, are they quick to respond? If they are slow to respond or don’t respond at all then what can you expect once you have booked? Do keep in mind, most are very busy on the weekends so maybe give them until Monday to catch up and respond.

Are you looking for a package? Some brides just want a one-stop shop while others want to pick every single vendor.  If choosing every vendor sounds like a stressful, exhausting task to you then choose a package.  Packages from venues generally save you money plus, you will be working with vendors who know the venue and its rules already.  You still get to choose all the details of your big day. 

Do you have a vision?  Hello Pinterest! Make sure the venue you have in mind works with your vision.  Look at Pinterest and Instagram.  A pattern will emerge regarding what you like and once it does, then look for the venue where you can make it happen. 

Backing up! Is there a viable alternate plan at the venue? Nobody wants to think there might be bad weather on their wedding day, but Mother Nature is unpredictable.  Yes, I know you want to get married under the beautiful trees or in the lovely meadow but, what if the weather doesn’t cooperate, what is plan B? Will tables and décor need to be moved? Who does this? When does it need to be decided? Can you live with the venue’s plan B option?

Lastly and most importantly, does it feel like you? Do you feel comfortable and welcome at the venue?  Your guests don’t care where you get married, they are happy for you and want to celebrate with you.  Don’t just settle for any place, after all, it’s your big day.

Best wishes,

Mary

Choosing the Perfect Party Favor

The big celebration is over, you have danced the night away with your family and friends, you have married the love of your life and now chances are you might want to give your guests a token of your appreciation.  Here comes the wedding favor.  Whether you choose to give them a special cookie or a koozie, you just want a thoughtful way to tell them all how grateful you are for being a part of your big day.

You want whatever you choose for your favor to be something that reflects your beautiful wedding but, is also practical and something you personally chose that has meaning to the two of you.  Heck, it can even be something that is part of your décor such as a cute little succulent in a pot.  Here is a list of some beautiful and practical gifts we know your guests will love

Chocolate – who wouldn’t love a little container filled with all kinds of chocolate?  You could make it a chocolate bar that has been personalized with your name and date or even a picture of your fur baby.  You could set up a candy bar with personalized bags with all of your favorite goodies.

Candle – candles are a no-fail gift for any occasion.  Choose either your favorite scent or go crazy and choose a mixture.  Imagine how much fun your guests will have choosing their favorite scent. 

Pashmina – This is the perfect gift for those chilly autumn and winter weddings.  Not only will it keep your guests warm but, it can add a pop of your wedding colors to your décor.  If your cocktails are outside then put a basket of them by your welcome table or have them placed at every chair. You could place them inside on the chairs for your guests to enjoy.

Flip–flops – if you have ever worn a pair of heels to a wedding then you know what I am talking about.  They can’t come off soon enough.  Not only are they perfect for guests to wear while dancing but they can also enjoy them anytime. Place them in the ladies’ room in an adorable basket and watch how fast they go.  Make sure to have a variety of sizes. Unfortunately, this gift is really geared towards the ladies so you might need something like cigars for the guys or hey the old standby, chocolate.

Hot chocolate kit – another great winter wedding idea is a hot chocolate kit.  Imagine your guests taking home a personalized hot chocolate kit to use around the fire pit on a cold night. Chances are they will talk about how beautiful your wedding was while enjoying a cup of hot chocolate.  If you want you could even add an adorable personalized mug.

Cookies – who doesn’t love a cookie?  Get your favorite baker to whip up some of your favorite cookies and package them for your guests.  This is something you could even do yourself if you love to bake. You can order a personalized sticker if you want and place it on the package.  Talk about a perfect pairing with the hot chocolate kit.

Whatever you choose your guests will be thankful for the gift and spending time with the two of you at your amazing celebration of love.

Best wishes,

Mary

WHAT TIME OF YEAR DO WE SAY “I DO”

You’ve just said yes to the ring and already friends are asking when is the big day. Picking the date is a big decision. It can set the theme and maybe affect the cost if you get married during prime wedding season. So how do you decide when it will be? What kind of things do you need to take into account? How will it affect the rest of your plans? Here are some helpful hints to help you decide when to get married.

Sometimes it is as simple as figuring out what season you love. Do you dream of beaches and sunshine then summer might be best for you. Do you love cold weather and fires then fall is probably what you want. Do you love it when everything starts greening up and blooming? Then spring is the time for you.

Work schedules can dictate a lot. If you are a high school football coach then fall probably won’t work for you. Accountants probably don’t want tax season. Teachers may want to get married when they are off during the summer.

Is there a significant day for both of you? Some couples choose a special day in their relationship like the anniversary of their first date or parent’s anniversary. Some choose special dates based on the numbers in the date like 12/31/23. If you choose a special date such as an anniversary, make sure your guests know why you choose that special date.

Choosing a holiday is always an option. What a way to ring in the New Year with family and friends or you could have a picnic-style 4th of July wedding and end the night with fireworks. Memorial Day and Labor Day provide most people with a 3-day weekend for their guests to travel. You could even plan a day after the event for your guests.

The availability of your bridal party is another consideration. Check when your wedding party is available. Again accountants can’t do a wedding during tax season. Teachers have a hard time getting off during the start and end of the year. Ultimately though pick what is best for the two of you, you can’t accommodate everyone.

What works for your budget? Some venues run specials when it is not the prime season. Dates will cost less and be easier to find. Keep in mind if the venue has both indoor and outdoor ceremony sites there might not be a peak or off-peak season.

What works for you? In the end, it is your big day and whatever date you choose needs to work best for the two of you.

Best wishes,

Mary