Divorced Parents & Planning Your Wedding
You’ve found the love of your life, you are ready to get married but, then you remember your parents can’t be in the same room and then reality sets in. The best thing to do is open and firm early on while planning. Tell them from the beginning this day is about the two of you and you will not tolerate anyone being anything but civil. If they are remarried make sure this includes any new spouses or significant others. You need to decide early on who you want to have input from. Talk to siblings, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Enlist their help in making sure everyone remains calm and civil on the wedding day.
Invite anyone you want to invite. It is ok to invite your Dad’s girlfriend if you want even though Mom isn’t happy about it. Chances are one or more of your parents pictured this as a family event, it’s ok to invite and welcome a new family member. This can be especially true if this person has become a large part of your life. Don’t let a parent’s jealousy or hard feelings keep you from inviting someone.
The procession and seating can be tricky. If either parent is in a new relationship you probably don’t want them to walk down the aisle. It is ok to have them to be seated already. Do you have a Stepdad you love just as if he were your Dad? Have both him and your real Dad walk you down the aisle. Really love your Stepmom? Then why not do two Mother-Son dances? The last thing you want to do is not include someone who has a significant role in your life and you love. If everyone gets along then seat them at the same table but, if not then separate tables are probably best. Tradition states Mom should sit on the front row and Dad on the second if divorced. If you want them both on the front row then maybe put siblings or grandparents between them.
Who is helping pay? Usually, the bride’s family pays but, that’s not necessarily true anymore. Talk to your parents separately about what they can or cannot pay for. One may make some not-so-nice comments about what the other is or isn’t going to pay for. Put a stop to it then. Let them know it will not be tolerated.
Traditionally the Father of the Bride gives a speech thanking everyone for coming and congratulating the new couple. Is this going to make your Mom mad, do you care if she doesn’t like it? You might need to let her say something as well or perhaps neither. Don’t let the other parent’s feelings stop you from you doing something you want or don’t want but, keep in mind your parents have dreamed of this day as well and their part in it.
Make sure the planner, photographer, and videographer are aware of your family dynamics beforehand and how it affects your wedding. Give a detailed list of photographers you want to the photographer if necessary.
Even though you may not have the ideal family situation, focus on the fact you are marrying the love of your life. Your wedding is a celebration of love and hopefully, your family can put aside their differences for the day and focus on your happiness.
Best Wishes,
Mary